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In Remembrance
Jun. 12th, 2019 10:39 amSo three years ago today I was meandering through a weekend morning and turned on the TV to discover that a nightclub in Florida had been the scene of a mass shooting.
I was alone.
And I felt so alone.
I couldn't call any of my family to come be with me and mourn the loss of so many people; while they love and support me, they're not queer, they didn't quite get it. The one queer sib had two very young children at the time (4 & 2). My bestie had just moved to Philadelphia. I was entirely disconnected from any sort of community that could have been with me or that I could have been with. So I was alone and grieving and vaguely scared because I'm a queer in Texas and that's not precisely safe.
It sucked, y'all.
But you know what I did have? Critical Role. I had a fantasy place to escape to. I had these goofballs playing at heroes to distract me, to inspire me, to lift me up. Because I was depressed before the shooting and I've been continually depressed since, but there are lights in the dark, safe places to rest.
I don't feel safer than I did three years ago. But I do feel like I have an online community, at least. I've got people now that I can talk to about things that give me feels, both good and bad.
I was alone.
And I felt so alone.
I couldn't call any of my family to come be with me and mourn the loss of so many people; while they love and support me, they're not queer, they didn't quite get it. The one queer sib had two very young children at the time (4 & 2). My bestie had just moved to Philadelphia. I was entirely disconnected from any sort of community that could have been with me or that I could have been with. So I was alone and grieving and vaguely scared because I'm a queer in Texas and that's not precisely safe.
It sucked, y'all.
But you know what I did have? Critical Role. I had a fantasy place to escape to. I had these goofballs playing at heroes to distract me, to inspire me, to lift me up. Because I was depressed before the shooting and I've been continually depressed since, but there are lights in the dark, safe places to rest.
I don't feel safer than I did three years ago. But I do feel like I have an online community, at least. I've got people now that I can talk to about things that give me feels, both good and bad.
